Slowly

He is for you

Yesterday I was picking up a book to read. Now I’m enjoying this book, but it was a challenging chapter.

I thought it might be triggering and I was worried I’d feel shame and defeat after reading it. (This is normally how I feel when challenged-shame and guilt of not being enough come to the surface.)

I thought I’ll just read the chapter as fast as I can. That will help. It will make it easier. I’ll just drink from the firehose.

But I couldn’t. My anxiety was growing and I could sense my resistance knowing it could be difficult to read.

I met with my counselor and we talked about moving slower. Still moving but slower. This is a constant theme in my life. Go slow. I know you think speed will make it go away, but actually moving through it slowly will be better. You’ll actually be able to do it. And it won’t be as hard.

I’m in between two books right now. They seem to balance each other.

The first one is “Sweet Like Jasmine”, by Bonnie Gray and the other is “Altogether You” by Jenna Riemersma .

As I struggled through the first few pages of a chapter in “Altogether You” I took a break at the next heading and put it down for the day. And then I read “Sweet Like Jasmine” and she reminded me God is for me. Jesus is here. He is here in the uncomfortable, He’s here in the good, Hes here in the struggle. He is for me.

And I’m forever grateful He’s for me. Did you know He is for you? I hope today you experience how he is for you.

Today I saw God was for me when I went for a walk and saw Autumn Crocuses. How precious. In Indiana fall is coming and leaves are falling and summer flowers are turning brown. But there among it all were beautiful purple crocuses.

Sister, He is for you.

Song “Blessing” by Kari Jobe

“In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, He is for you”

Uncategorized

Remembering what I’ve learned.

We are leaving a lovely little town in northern Michigan and I came away with something special.

We enjoyed some time away for our anniversary and I love time like this because it helps me to slow down. To see. To experience something in an unhurried way.

• flat rocks to skip • heart shaped rocks • giant dahlia flowers • waves hitting the shore • ladybug on a rock • seagull dunking himself for a fish • all the precious dogs with their owners • riding bikes through the forest • drift wood • sunsets by the water • the sound of a harbor bell • the little lighthouse shining it’s light • clip clop of horses hooves •

I was reminded of our three kids and how they would experience the places and things we saw. They would be excited about those little things too. I’d stop and show them. I’d talk about how I feel as I experience these little moments in life.

During the busy of our days I forget that I like this. I forget, I like skipping rocks, I want to pick all the flowers, and I want to search for rocks that feel special, like they were left for me.

So I took the rocks, the pictures and talked to the dahlias each day. I asked to pet the German shorthaired pointer puppy who was laying between its owners feet.

And all of these things reminded me of how much our kids have taught me. They have taught me to slow down, to see the flower, to see the shapes in the clouds, to watch them create something new. And they’ve helped me connect with the little kid in myself.

Sometimes getting older we try to leave all our childish ways but we forget to keep the awe. We forget the simple. We press on busy as ever and we miss it. I think adulting is reminding ourselves of the things that make us feel alive. The things that connect us to one another. It really is just the little things, one after the other.

What brings awe and wonder to you today?