I was thinking about our hearts last night. How God moves in when we accept Him as Lord and Savior, but He doesn’t end there. He wants all of our heart.
He promises to give us a new heart, but not by force.
We can look at the Old Testament and know God never forced the Israelites. He asked things of them, He was tough, but what He really wanted was a willing heart.
I accepted Jesus going into junior high. He pursued me, and asked other believers to speak life over me. Something has never felt so right as the moment of being baptized and identifying with Christ. That was the beginning.
I struggled later with salvation, and wrestled with things that I wasn’t sure Christians should be struggling with. Legalism, guilt, shame, fear of not being forgiven, and just down right scared of failing God. I had little trust in people, which translated into a fear with God-could I trust Him? Could I let Him in? Was I safe? Was He going to destroy me once He knew my heart and my fears? Could I let Him have these hurts in my heart? Would He use them against me?
Would He love me still?
I wasn’t sure if He was kind or good.
But I can assure you, He knows my every secret, failure, and fear.
He loves me still. He is so kind. He is so good. He will not use your pain against you. But He will use it. And when you let Him into those places of your heart, the pressure falls off of you and you can rest in the fact that He is the one who has held our life together all along.
And that truth is what is beginning to pull me out of those places I’ve lived.
Give Him more of your heart, ask Him to help you, allow people to speak truth over you in those times, and He will take care of our hearts better than we ever could.
*Counseling was also an essential piece of this awakening. Hurts I thought would swallow me whole, could not, and I was reminded every time I went to counseling this was the right way. Opening up, letting it out, and letting HIM move in.