I’ve talked with God a lot about my struggles, the things I don’t like about myself. Anxiety is one. Depression another.
But in all my asking He doesn’t take it.
He allows it to be a teacher.
Our feelings aren’t things to be pushed away, but to be held. To allow them to do their job.
My son is getting two fillings today, at five and a half. I’m nervous. He’s nervous.
I want to take it from him, but it’s not for his best. He’s going to have to do hard things in this life and I can’t shield him from them all. Today it is fillings, who knows what tomorrow holds.
So today, I’m learning to live with that anxiety and allow my son to get his teeth taken care of so he can be cavity free.
God sees the end picture. He knows what our struggles bring us too. To a place of being with Him, of resting in Him with our whole selves. Not the self we like.
So, today what part of yourself do you wish were more together, healthier, because those are the things God wants. He wants to be with all of us. The parts that doubt, that are addicted, that are hurting, that are fearful. The parts so utterly broken.
See I wanted God to take the feelings away, but those feelings were pointing to deeper hurt that needed to be brought to the light so it could be healed. And when I struggle with anxiety and depression it’s normally because I’m pushing that self away and telling myself to get it together.
See I’m uncomfortable with my son and having pain. I want to run from it, to say just keep the cavities, but it will cause more pain later.
So I let Him have space to be courageous. And he is.
Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to come to God with it all. And let Him heal it, it can be painful. But we can have confidence, He’ll gladly accept us. And we will have a deeper relationship with Him. He knows how it all ends, and it’s good.
So pray today, give it to Him. He wants it. And if you don’t know how, ask Him, He’ll help you.