I see you

Dear momma,

I see you.

I see you loving on those babies, when you are so tired you cannot even think straight.

I see you cutting up those grapes in halves because you’re nervous your toddler will swallow them whole.

I see you momma cooking two meals because you don’t want to eat chicken nuggets, but it’s the only protein your cutie will eat.

I see you washing those dishes for the second time today.

I see you holding your sweet girls hand as you walk her to school.

I see you leaning over your little ones at night and kissing them on the forehead and whispering you love them.

I see you rocking your two year old who’s teething and they look at you with those loving eyes.  The world stops for a moment.

You’re a good mom .

I see you asking for help when you were losing your patience.

You’re a good mom.

I see you praying over those kids asking God to help you not totally mess them up.

You’re a good mom.

I see you budgeting and trying to save as you head to the grocery store.

You’re a good mom.

I see you making mistakes and beating yourself up for them.

You’re a good mom.

You’re not perfect.

But you are a good mom.

Take true inventory of your day.
And if you can’t, ask someone close to you. My sister in law is one of my best encouragers.
And you’ll realize the rough parts were such a small portion of the day.
Then, remind yourself you are a good mom.

And it’s enough.

Grounded

Where to begin.  This topic is heavy and hard to articulate.  It’s something I’ve felt a thousand times, but still struggle with the right words for it.

Anxiety.   Defined as “…an abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physical signs (such as tension, sweating, and increased pulse rate), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one’s capacity to cope with it.”

I read an article yesterday about “Anxiety in children” from heysigmund.com.  I just can’t get over how powerful this article was.  When you struggle with anxiety, maybe you fear your kids will struggle with it too.  I don’t think anyone loves feeling anxious.  But it is a normal feeling.  It’s normal.  It’s normal. It’s normal. (I’m reminding myself.)  Because one of the biggest hiccups with anxiety is that it feels so lonely.

This article articulated what a strong mind looks like, and it is one that protects us.  I love this.  I believe the heart of anxiety is a sense of needing to protect ourselves.  “Hey Sigmund” calls an anxious mind strong, creative, and a little overprotective.

Have any of you been with a parent or maybe yourself, and you just feel the need to be overprotective, sit down Timmy, don’t climb on that, don’t jump too high, what’s in your mouth, oh nothing, just the food I gave you…  Anyone else?

Someone with anxiety is reacting the same way just in their mind.  It is irrational but it feels so real to that person.  And going back to the definition, I’m reminded of myself, anxiety for me is a fear of not having enough of myself to do what I need to do.

So I’m going to recap a piece of this article, because this stuff is good!  Go read this article even if you don’t struggle with anxiety, because I know you know someone who does.  Give yourself wisdom to understand someone else.  It is super science-y, which I love.

First it talks about our amygdala (where we feel all our emotions) and someone with anxiety, there’s works a little harder.

Grounding is one area I want to land with this topic.  Anxiety is like the mind getting hijacked by fear of the future.  And grounding is a way to bring it back to the present.

“Hey Sigmund” suggests a fun activity using your five sense.

When anxiety rolls for you or someone you love, here are the five suggestions: Have them say out loud: (Probably will only have to do a few)

5-what are five things you see

4-what are four things you hear

3-what are three things you feel

2-what are two things you can smell

1-what is one thing you can taste

This can help bring you to the present.  (Present; defined as existing or in progress right now. LOVE!)  We don’t have to be perfect or anxiety free, but we can stand in the present making progress over anxiety hauling off with our day.

I’m practicing this today.img_7242-1

Writing

I’m off this week.  A little jostled.  Like my tiny world shifted a little too much this week.

So today I’m still writing.  I don’t want to write only when I feel awesome or when I feel I have the most amazing word for someone.  But I want to write, and do it on days that I don’t feel like it too.  Because I feel called to it.  To write.

The one thing I hear over and over if you want to write is to keep your butt in the chair and write.  Today is that day for me.

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I want to write not just to feel better, but to see change and growth.  To see this craft turn into something beautiful, an art work.

If you told me a year ago, I would thoroughly enjoy writing, I’d laugh.  My claim over myself for years was I’m not a writer, I like math.  I was really saying um, I’m only good at math not english.  Which is a pretty broad statement to put over yourself.  I like to do that, box myself in.  Anyone else?

So this year, I’m stepping out.  Writing.  I have things to say and words to speak.  Words that I feel are important.  I have a story to tell, and I want to be the one to tell it.  So I’m writing.

So, I guess I’m writing today to tell you don’t box yourself in.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, but take whatever next step you need to move in what God is calling you to.

Sometimes, I like looking too far into the future, but the only step we need to take is today.

We have dreams, true dreams, that have been placed on our hearts.  It’s our job to awaken and do those dreams.  They are there for a reason.

I have so many friends that spur me on who are pursuing dreams and making things happen in their lives and their families.

Like my friend, who is a missionary pursuing prenatal fitness certifications because she is so passionate about mom’s and their health.  If she can do it in Africa, we can here.  Or like my friend and her husband, who are pursuing rental properties so they can live their dreams together.  Or another friend who is teaching at five am in the morning before her babies are up to help their family, but mostly because she’s an amazing teacher and it will always be in her heart.  Another friend who is pursuing a degree to be a nurse anesthetist, she’s dreamed about it, kept pursuing, and now has the opportunity to go and do that dream.  I could go on and on.

Maybe the the key is to let others inspire you, instead of making you jealous.  I like this option better.  So, instead of jealousy I can let someone else’s passion pour into my life and inspire me towards my passions, whatever they are.

Be inspired even when you don’t feel like it.  I’m working on it.

Never too far gone

Jordan Feliz sings “There’s no distance that I can’t reach you…” about the love our Father has for us and how He comes for us.

It’s hard to know this truth until you’ve been to the pit, the place you thought was out of God’s reach.

Two years ago, I hit that place.  Rock bottom.  A deep pit.  A place I thought I’d never leave.  Telling God, just leave me, go find someone else, I’m useless, no good.  I’m hurt beyond repair.

Our sweet third child, a boy, was born.  Loved.  Cherished.  This isn’t about him, but about that time.  I had built a home that I was trying to “self sustain”, all on my own.  Mostly pride drove the desire to be in control, but so did fear.

Being a believer, this was a hard place to admit I was and that I needed help and support, but that is exactly where I was.  So at rock bottom, I accepted help from many avenues: doctors, counselors, family, and friends.  I knew if God wasn’t going to leave me there like I asked that things had to change.  I couldn’t go on the same.

Two years later, things are better. I’m moving.  Growing.  Seeking.  Still need help and support.  Don’t we all?

This morning I picked up “None like Him” by Jen Wilkins (read it!).  I’m on chapter four and guess what the title is “Self-Sufficient” and it is in reference to God, not me.  I am not God, so that is not a characteristic I get to claim, even if I want to.  So, I’m still learning how to lean on others, accepting help, and walking in humility.  It’s not easy when you’ve built up a mindset that you are fine and can do it all.  But, slowly I’m changing.  The flow is changing, the pace is slower, and the people in my life are completely intentional.

This journey is a marathon, not a sprint.  I wanted a sprint.  I wanted to get through that season lightning fast, which left me frustrated some days thinking I “should” be in a different place, but acceptance is the first step, accepting right where you are.

If I had time, I’d sit down with you and tell you all the amazing things that happened in that pit.  I can look back and see the roll it played in my family, in the lives of friends, in myself.  It’s a beautiful time.  I didn’t think that then.

But,

  • I now know truly that there is no place we can go that He cannot reach us.
  • His love can pour over us anew, His forgiveness can be more real than we have ever experienced.
  • Grace and love from people around you opens up when you admit you need help.  Because one day they’ll need it too.
  • And I can promise He wants you, just you, as is, no achieving, no striving, broken and a mess.  He wants that person.  He sees worth, sweet worth from a Savior that will never ever leave us.  He can’t, He’s in us.

Be encouraged friend, you are never too far gone.

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Psalm 139: 12

Read Psalm 139

Flow

I was in counseling last week, refreshing after a busy start to the new year.

I told my counselor my word for the year was “balance” and read my blog to help explain how I saw it.  And she said she liked it and added that it also sounded like the word flow, rhythm.  My heart jumped with excitement.  I love rhythm.  It reminds me of dancing and singing in the kitchen, usually to Justin Timberlake.

img_7245-1My flow on a typical day usually comes when the kids are all happily playing together.  Its beautiful.  When the kids were younger, it was when they all napped at the same time and that peaceful sound fell over the house.  It was beautiful.  Peaceful.  Joyful.  Refreshing.  Especially if there was a sleepy babe laying in my arms snuggled on the couch.

This new word doesn’t change where I’m finding myself this year.  The word flow brought more clarity to the word balance for me, which is usually what counseling provides for me too, clarity.  Balance for me is a flow to life that is sustainable and joyful.  I have a tendency to want to stay in this flow state; however, then I wouldn’t know I was in a “rhythm or flow.”  It would just be normal, not a special time that I take notice of.  There is still life to be lived I remind myself.

My counselor said it reminded her of yoga, moving back and forth between poses can be difficult, but once we are in them it gets easier.  I like that.  Flow is not always a continual process, but one that we enter in and out of.

Sometimes it is hard to transition back to working out, but it becomes a flow once we make the transition.  Sometimes it is hard to transition from winter snuggles on the couch to playing outside when it’s a little chilly, but once we are there it is a little easier.

Today, I’m transitioning to eating better for myself.  I hate the transition, avoid it, and stay in an unhealthy place until finally I move and do something.  So I’m doing it. Stepping.

I believe we can make a lot of these habits, but life will happen and our flow will be jostled for a time, just get back at it whatever that flow is.  If it’s dancing in the kitchen, that’s easy!  Do it.  If it’s working out because it brings you joy, do it.  If its painting because you go into state of peace and focus, do it.

So, what is your flow?