“Now I’m perfect.” -Olaf

“Well almost.” -Anna shoving a carrot into Olaf’s face.

I relate so much with Olaf.  I want life to be perfect, summery, flowers and roses.  But it’s not always that way.  It’s not perfect.  We are far from perfect.

But I still strive for it.

Once we clean up one area well enough, we return to the same place.  The same cycle.  But maybe the cycle is so we look closer, deeper, find more meaning.

There are lots of areas of my life I’d love to forget.  Extremely hard times I’d love to lay down and have them vanish. Areas I could pretend they never happened.  In Christ, the condemnation is removed from those memories.  The guilt is gone, even if we still feel it sometimes.  The truth is we are new, but what if God wants to do more in that area, not only take the guilt but then use it.

Whew.  I’m uncomfortable with that.  I want to give God pieces of my life that I like, that make me look good.  You know the ones we put on Instagram.

This past week, I posted pictures of my family in black and white.  I love how black and white looks.  It takes away flaws and makes things look more glorious.  Maybe it makes things look the way I want them too.  In the original pictures, my teeth looked yellowed from the grey sky, you could see stains and dirt on the kids shirts.  And I only took pictures of the kids smiling or posing.  I didn’t take a picture of our girl falling and crying, of our baby boy crying because he felt left out.

That night a sweet friend messaged me and asked how our kids look so happy and how we manage three kids.  Do we ever feel overwhelmed? She asked.  OH MY GOODNESS.  Humbled.  Totally humbled. Yes I feel overwhelmed.  Being outside was giving me some breathing room and the kids some freedom to run and play instead of watching their favorite show or be on the iPads.  I wanted to run and hug her and proclaim no way in the world am I perfect or my kids.  Definitely, not.

God is perfect.  We are not, that is why we need Him.  We cannot be perfect in this life, but in Heaven we will be.  Our true life wrapped in Christ, we will be perfect as we stand before him.  Whew.  If we were able to be perfect here, there would be no need for us to be here.  This life prepares us for the next.  And our imperfections are how we show other’s Christ.  Our imperfect past shows others they can be saved too.  So I remember those moments even if they are hard and that God loves me and wants to use those moments to help save others.  I ask God a lot, how are you going to use this?  There are much better areas we could work with, but He keeps bringing me back to those moments.  Those moments that make me human, those moments that I’m weak and in need, those moments that He has used to save me.

Let’s be imperfect together.  It’s the only way, but we might have to go back and love ourself first so we can love others there too.  Maybe that’s the memory.  Not because it’s not painful, but because we still had worth then too at our worst, at our most broken moments.  And so do others.

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